I made a promise to myself a few months back that, as we were nearing the end of yet another year, I wouldn't reflect in the same way I have spent so many years' ends before. Of course, I would look back in some way. We all do. I'm only human.
When it gets easier to look back at the things that didn't happen, the jobs we didn't get, the dates we didn't go on, the person we didn't kiss, the person we kissed for the last time, or the one we watched kiss another, I think we're forgetting just how easy it is to accept the natural changes that happen as Winters shift to Springs....shift to Summers...shift to Autumns.
I am amazingly thankful for the spirit of the friends, family and situations that have surrounded me in the past year. I don't know if I say, or have said, "Thank you" enough. And actually saying it now, I think I could never say it enough. When people ask me to say something nice about myself, it seems vain and I oftentimes shy away, but I do have this to say; I pride myself on my ability to surround myself by people who's inner light and beauty shine so brightly that I can't help but walk towards it and embrace it with all of my might. I hold them and that light closely and I never want to be away from them, or watch that light go out.
There are people who choose to reside in melancholy. It is said that misery loves company, but I try to never visit that house. Like speaks to like.
I am taking this new year and using the light that shines from my friends to build whatever type of year I want. I hope it is one of success. I hope it is one of emotional profit and growth. I hope it is one of sharing and creating art. And to say it again, unheard or not, "Thank you".
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I decided that I will fondly look back on 2007 and yell a kind "FUCK YOU". That was the worse year of my life. But really who can I blame but myself. I made suc bad decisions in my life that I ended up hurting myself. I dont know why I was so hell bent on beating myself down. Was it to hear the words "I love you" Was it to get help forgetting about an ex? Did I sleep with him hoping he would love me again?
I have decided that 2008 is Redemption year. Im getting back everything I lost. My heart was broken because I put it out there for everyone to pick up and stomp on it. I had no respect for myself . I didnt know my value. No MORE. I am going to put myself first. Im looking out for my temple.
Im not accepting just anything into my life anymore. I like to fi people, mostly guys, NO MORE. Im not getting invovled with guys that have HUGE ISSUES. We all have issues, Lord knows I do. but I cant be with you if you aint got it together.
I Lost some money moving out of ex's apts. Im getting all of that back by being in this great tour. And when this is over I will be expecting something just as good or better. I totally expect to move up. I will work hard for it and I will work hard while Im there.
I lost time being happy. I was in a constant state of depression. Experiences were lost. Conversations with people were lost. All because I was just sad and didnt want to. NOPE!! NOTHING WILL TAKE AWAY MY JOY IN 2008!!!
Friendships were lost. I was an angry person because I was miserable. No one wanted to be around me. I have worked really hard on restoring those friendships. And I will continue to do so. I will let people in. They are going to let me down and hurt me but they dont always mean to. We are human.
I lost my relationship with God. Which probably explains why I was sooo lost. Imback though. Im back to reading my bible at night. Im back to praying in the shower where I am alone and very vulnerable. LOL!! Im back to listening. I cant have it my way. Look what 2007 looked like, yeah I mess stuff up.
Everything that I lost Im getting it back in 2008. ITS THE YEAR OF REDEMPTION!!
And that house of melancholy is in Astoria. I got saved from that. I dont want to speak to Leroy and dont want Leroy in my life because Im happy and from everything he has told me he isnt. Like speaks to like. Im NOT like.
Here's to the year of redemption. CHEERS!!
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